Month Three
by codexfawkes
Summary: Follow up to Misadventures. A peak into the year and a day marriage. "Mal, I've had it with Jayne. The man is the worst patient…ever!"


Month Three

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss is boss.

Simon Tam prided himself on many things, but nothing more than his skill and dedication as a doctor. He had the patience to painstakingly reattach an entire leg, but Buddha help him one sick Jayne Cobb had him at his wits end. Jayne had picked up a virus planet side and though Simon had managed to inoculate the rest of the crew it was too late for Jayne to do anything other than ride it out. If Jayne was a miserable patient when stuck on one place with an injury, he was ten times worse with a cold. "Mal, I've had it with Jayne. The man is the worst patient…ever! He's whiny, uncooperative, obstinate and can't seem to go longer than two minutes without being demanding, insulting or disgusting. I absolutely refuse to babysit him one second longer." Simon ranted.

"Well someone's gotta take care of him. The man can't even walk up the stairs to get water on his own. Seeing as you're the doctor, not to mention taking care a my crew's health is what I pay you for, I don't see where you got cause to refuse." Mal said facing the angry doctor. "Employees have been refusing to work in intolerable conditions since Earth-that-was and Jayne Cobb is certainly intolerable. So respectfully, Captain, I am going to bed and catching up on the missing sleep I lost thanks to that overgrown ape child pretending to be a man." Simon replied his tone brooking no argument. "What about your doctor oath thingy?" Mal complained weakly as Simon headed for the door. "He has a cold Captain, believe me is life is not in danger." Simon drawled as he left. "Well handled sir." Zoe commented her mouth quirking up in a smile. Mal glared back at her as he leaned back in his chair. "Don't fret Cap'n, I'll look after Jayne. He's just bored and likes getting under Simon's skin. He won't be like that for me." Kaylee assured him bouncing to her feet.

Two hours later Mal sat on the bridge with Wash finishing up a wave with Monty when the sound of loud cursing filled the air. "Go tsao de shee-niou ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng*!" Kaylee's voice sounded as she stomped down the crew corridor and up the steps to the bridge. "I've had it, Jayne can just take care a his own self. I'll be in engine room takin care a my girl, at least she appreciates me." Kaylee spat before spinning around stomping back the way she'd come leaving Mal and Wash staring after her speechless. After finishing up with Monty, Mal went down to the galley where Zoe, Book and River were gathered. "Well Jayne managed to piss off Kaylee enough to make her swear in a way I never heard from her before." Mal said flopping into his chair at the table. "Oh we heard her, she was quite creative in mixing her expletives." Book commented with a chuckle. "I don't suppose you'd…"Mal trailed off looking at Book hopefully. "Captain I am a man of God sworn to ease the suffering of my fellow men, but even I have my limits." He replied. River sighed gustily and dropped her colored pencil. "Wife will take care of annoying husband, is technically her responsibility." River said as she stood and walked out of the room heading down the crew corridor. "Does she realize Jayne's in the opposite direction?" Mal asked after a moment. "You're guess is as good as mine sir." Zoe replied shaking her head. A few minutes later River reappeared with a bundle in her arms and walked down the stairs toward the lounge. Not long after she came back into the kitchen where she retrieved a wooden tray. They watched intently as River filled a plastic pitcher with water, adding a package of extra vitamin C packed orange flavor. She added an empty mug and a bowl full of crackers before disappearing back down the stairs.

Jayne lay on the couch, his back propped up on numerous pillows with a thin blanket over his legs royally bored. He could hear someone passing in an out of the room but as they weren't staying, he didn't bother to open is aching eyes. Jayne's eyes did however fly open as a new weight settled across him. Words escaped him as he watched River spread the quilt his mother had made him over the first blanket. He watched her bustle around the room, pulling the table closer and cleaning it off of all his dirty tissues and three times read magazines before laying down a tray with juice and crackers. She disappeared with the trash and returned with a new box of tissues and a couple of thin books. Then to his complete surprise River turned off all but one of the lights and manipulated the cortex panel so some soft music was playing. It wasn't anything he'd normally have listened to but Jayne was willing to admit to himself it was relaxing. Once she was done putting the lounge to rights and making it more comfortable, River knelt on the floor by the end of the couch and flipped up both blankets revealing Jayne's uncharacteristically bare feet. "What?" he asked confused as she began working a thick pair of socks onto his feet.

River worked silently and soon had both socks snuggly on his feet with the blankets tucked down over them. She stood and walked toward the end of the couch he was sitting up in. Jayne watched her confused and a bit warily as she reached out and patted him on the shoulder. "Lean forward." River directed. Jayne didn't budge, not sure he liked the idea of her at his back. "Lean forward." She insisted with a gentle shove. Reluctantly he leaned forward and heard her rearranging the pillows, fluffing them up. Smiling to himself he realized she meant to take care of him. "Back." She ordered. This time Jayne didn't hesitate to obey her directive, only to be surprised to find his head landing in a soft girl lap instead of the pillow he was anticipating.

Jayne started to sit up alarmed, when River put her arm across his chest and pushed him back down with surprising strength. "Relax, for this one time trust and pretend. Let wife take care of you." She said gently holding him in place. Shock flooded Jayne and the fight went out of him. He settled back down, her thighs cradling his head as one small cool hand moved I soothing circles across his chest, her other hand gently raking through his cropped hair. Jayne felt all the tension drain from his body as River soothed him. Jayne started to get sleepy as she softly began to sing. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr." River sang softly. Chuckling he snuggled deeper into her lap. "You callin me a pussy girl?" he asked with a sleepy grin. "It's tradition, the soft kitty song is for when we're sick." River answered smiling. "Though if I'm not mistaken you are a fan of soft warm…kitty" River finished suggestively. "Damn straight baby girl." Jayne replied with a leer.

Hours later Simon walked through the lounge on the way up to dinner and found Jayne sitting on the couch with his sister playing cards. "River, what are you doing here? Come away from him." Simon said holding out a hand for her. "Sorry Simon, but I'm too busy to play with you right now. Go play with Kaylee." She replied discarding and taking two new cards. "But…" Simon spluttered. "Don't a man got a right to play cards with his own gorram wife in peace? Geez doc, you can be so ruttin annoyin." Jayne said rolling his eyes. Simon stood there gaping at them in disbelief before slowly turning and climbing the stairs to the kitchen. "Ruttin in-laws." Jayne grumbled causing River to break out into giggles.

Over the next few days Jayne slowly got better as he let River amuse and take care of him. The rest of the crew was bemused as to why he didn't give her even half as much trouble as he did the rest of them. Mal for once decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and let it be, happily telling Simon he should just be thankful they were amusing each other and not being problems on their own. Kaylee thought it was sweet how Jayne was willing to play house and let River take care of him, readily forgetting all the annoyance he'd caused her. Zoe didn't quite trust Jayne spending so much time alone with River but bowed to Mal's orders and let it be, and if she passed through the lounge several times a day to keep an eye on things well the captain didn't need to be bothered with that detail. Wash thought it was hysterical and kept talking about how nice it was to have another husband on board. Book and Inara were both equal parts amused and baffled by Jayne's behavior toward River, but saw it as harmless as even River said they were only pretending. Only Simon was truly concerned. Worried about his mei mei becoming attached to Jayne or Buddha forfend, the other way around. So he spent much of his time in the infirmary watching through the windows.

Four days later when Simon declared Jayne fully cured he was thrilled to get off the damned couch and be able to move around again. Yet at the same time he felt an odd disappointment that his long days filled with River's games was at an end. They all soon fell back into their normal rhythms and the days the pair had spent together seemed to have been forgotten. Jayne went back to mostly ignoring River and for the most part River split her time between Simon, Kaylee and Book as she had before Jayne had ever gotten sick. Eventually as each day passed without any sign that one was missing the others company Simon began to relax and happily admitted he'd worried for nothing.

A little over two had passed since Jayne had been given a clean bill of health when River wandered into the kitchen late into the night cycle. Jayne was sitting in the crash lounge area of the galley writing to his mother, something he never did in front of the crew as they were apt to make fun. "What are you doin up baby girl?" he asked softly. "Nightmares pressing in on me. Memories of my time with the blue." She replied with a shiver. He looked at her a long moment, standing there looking so small in the over sized white night shirt she was wearing. With a sigh he put down his pencil and lifted one arm beckoning her closer. River quickly crossed the room and curled up next to him, sighing contentedly when Jayne wrapped his arm round her. Snuggling into his side River looked up at Jayne with a shy smile. "Will you sing soft kitty?" she asked. "Soft kitty is only for when you're sick." Jayne replied unable to completely keep the smile off his face. "Scared and crazy is a kind of sick." River answered mischievously. Jayne chuckled, unconsciously tucking her closer into his side as he dropped his chin onto the top of her head. As Serenity and the rest of her children slept on, the ship glowed with a new thread of warmth as a deep voice all but whispered words of comfort in the night.

*dog fucking cow sucking frog humping son of a bitch


End file.
